Unsteady
by Write-To-You
Summary: Julian contracts a terrible sickness, forcing Barry and Cisco to get Caitlin back to STAR Labs. But when they find out that the "sickness" might be someone much, much more... will it be enough to get Caitlin to stay, for once and for all? (post-3x23, fix-it of sorts, posting once a day)
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: O. M. G. OMGGGGGGGG... That summary was SO amazing! I'm so proud of me :)**

 **I have figured out my trick to writing whump. It has to be whump with a plot. It has to have actually something** ** _happen_** **, have a relationship move foreword,** ** _whatever_** **, because if it doesn't, I will just quit on it after a couple of pages.**

 **So, hey! I came up with a plot. Go me :)**

After Savitar's defeat, metahuman cases poured in from all sides. Julian had already been to 4 crime scenes that morning- and it was only 9:00. He arrived back at the CCPD with a stack of no less then _16_ case files to go over on his desk, and no Barry Allen in sight.

Legs suddenly feeling jello-y, like they would after someone had just experienced immense relief, Julian sank into his chair. He rubbed at his head, pounding with a headache that no amount of overdosed Advil would help, and opened up the first case file.

He got through three before the words started to blur and the lead of his pencil began to wobble in diagonal lines across the page. Julian leaned back in his chair, dabbing sweat off of his forehead and shrugging off his coat. He blinked, slowly, dazedly, suddenly not able to remember what he was doing.

As soon as the haziness cleared, Julian panicked. He pulled his phone from his pocket with shaking hands and quickly texted Barry.

 _Could u please cover for me? Need to head home_.

 _Of course! B right there._

Barry was, of course, "right there", and he was soon bursting through the doors to their lab, grinning as bright as the sun shining through the window.

Julian got to his feet immediately, but the motion sent a sudden rush of blood to his head. It burned with pain, skin prickling as everything began to tilt. Julian grasped for a table, or the wall or a chair or _something_ , but every stabile object in the room seemed to had disappeared except for the floor, which was rushing up faster then he could brace himself-

Darkness consumed him.

"Can't you give him anything?"

Cisco shook his head, staring at Julian's vitals as he and Barry stood around the gurney in Caitlin's old office. "What if I mess up on the antibody proportions, or don't give him the right stuff? With the way his body is reacting right now, it could make things worse. I could kill him, Barry."

"Then we've gotta bring him to a doctor or something." Barry pressed, nervously watching the blond in the bed.

"What, and have them identify him as the newest meta in Central City? Oh, great, then General Eilling comes rushing and and runs a million tests on him, keeping him in captivity for the rest of his life!" Cisco gritted his teeth and pushed his hand through his hair. "His temperature is 108 and he's _not dead_. I don't think that's particularly human."

Barry puffed out a sigh, trying to remain calm and keep a clear head. "So you think he's a meta, then? Like Firestorm, maybe?"

"Yeah, but not Firestorm." Cisco glanced over his readings and frowned. "I remember running tests on Ronnie, and then on Stein when he hadn't merged in awhile. Julian's problem isn't metabolic transfusion loss- it's more like his skin cells are starting to burn up."

"That sounds pleasant." Barry muttered dryly, watching Cisco change out the ice pack on Julian's forehead.

Julian muttered under his breath and shifted on the bed again. His cheeks were a vibrant red, sweat staining his forehead and soaking though the thin sheets on top of him. He had been locked in a restless sleep for the past few hours, once Barry brought him back to STAR Labs with the hasty excuse to Singh that he was sick and would need a few days off.

Cisco and Barry hadn't gotten much done since Barry had arrived in a whirl of panicked speed lightning, with Julian limp in his arms. The two men had attached him to everything necessary to keep his status from getting worse, but there hadn't been much they could do.

"If she was here..." Cisco's voice filtered out. "We might be able to help him."

"Caitlin." Barry said softly. It wasn't a question; he knew exactly who Cisco was talking about.

Cisco nodded, the memories attached to that name still to fresh and painful to dwell on for very long.

Barry refused to be downcast however. He straightened his spine. "Then let's get her back. I can text her, right now-"

"We texted her for a whole _month_ after she left." Cisco cut him off. "What makes you think that she's going to respond now?"

"It's Julian." Barry reminded him confidently. "She'll come back because it's Julian. If it was life or death, she'd do that for any of us."

"It just doesn't feel right, man." Sinking into a chair, Cisco rubbing at his face. "She devoted her life to helping us, never caring about herself. Then she asks us for this one thing -the chance to have some space and figure herself out- and we can't even give that to her?"

He shook his head, getting to his feet. In his opinion, the decision was already made.

By 2 AM in the morning, Julian's condition had gotten worse. His fever had risen to 109, and as Barry paced back and forth at the foot of his bed, it continued to tick up, decimal by decimal.

Barry's hands clenched and unclenched obsessively as he traded out ice packs every few minutes. They steamed upon contact with Julian's skin, heating up after an alarming amount of time. Finally, Barry had enough. He sent Julian an apologetic "Be right back" (even though Julian was unconscious and couldn't hear him. It just felt right), and flashed down the hallway toward the room where he and Cisco had switched off resting between their shifts.

"Cisco. Cisco!" Barry shook his friends shoulder, shifting anxiously as he waited for his friend to awake.

Cisco sat up quickly, bleary from recent sleep. "What's the matter?" He mumbled.

"Julian's getting worse." Barry said gravely, pulling him up. "C'mon."

They ran back down the hallway, racing into Julian's room as a frantic beeping filled the air. The previous sound of the heart monitor, the steady: _beep... beep... beep..._ had turned into more of a: _beepbeepbeepbeep_.

"His temperature is at 110. We're losing him, Barry!" Cisco yelled, rushing toward his friend and starting to strip off any covering he had on, attempting to let out as much heat as possible.

Nothing worked, and Cisco whipped to Barry, face grave. "Call her. _Now_."

 **Author's Note: What an intense start, huh? I was considering only making it one long oneshot, but then I was like, no, I'll space it out over a few chapters (all are written, don't worry about incompletion. I would never post whump without previously finishing it), prevent too much binge reading :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Chap 2 is here! Time for some Snowbert :)**

"I wasn't sure if you'd come."

Caitlin glanced at Cisco, beside her as they hurried down the pavement towards STAR Labs' entrance. She had gotten his text as soon as it was sent, awake despite the abominable time, and sent a quick ' _On my way'_ back. Thankfully, she had been in the area, and had run to her car and drove about 15 miles above the speed limit the whole way there, arriving in just under 10 minutes.

Cisco had met her at her car and given her such a mournful look that she took precious time to give him a hug. Cisco had returned it eagerly, and Caitlin nearly sobbed at the familiar feeling of his wonderful hugs around her waist.

When they had pulled apart, they locked themselves in an uncomfortable staring contest, neither quite sure what to say. Caitlin had finally broken the silence with a quiet, "We should go see Julian." And Cisco had nodded vigorously and led the way.

It was nice being in the quiet halls of STAR Labs once again, despite the somber reason, and Caitlin slowed her steps upon reaching the Cortex. For one moment, she let herself get sucked into the moments when she, Barry and Cisco had been the crimefighting team, stopping metahumans and having a grand old time about it. That was before Savitar and Killer Frost and Zoom and even the Reverse Flash, a time that had been so much more carefree and light and _happy_.

She stopped her thoughts from going further, and walked through the doorway. Cisco leaned against the frame as she checked up on all the equipment, watching as her eyes lingered on Julian's face for a long moment.

"How could his fever be that high?" She breathed, watching the monitor beside Julian's bed.

Cisco shook his head. "We're thinking metahuman, a late bloomer for powers, obviously. It's not like Firestorm, though; I remember running tests on Ronnie and Stein -and both of them together- and it wasn't like this."

"Have you given him any fever reducers?" Caitlin asked, fiddling with a bag of fluid attached to Julian's arm.

"We tried Ibuprofen while we waited for you to get here, but it just made it worse, if that was possible." Cisco said, brow creasing with worry. "You think you can help him?"

"I'm going to try." Caitlin whispered, taking a seat beside Julian's bed. "You go get some rest, Cisco. I'll tell you if I need anything, ok?"

Reluctantly, Cisco took his cue to leave, trudging back out of the room and down the hallway.

Caitlin leaned foreword and brushed her fingers against Julian's sweaty forehead. "I missed you." She breathed, letting her powers flow through her hand and chill it.

Julian shifted and his face relaxed at the blissful cold. His temperature dropped down a few points of degrees as Caitlin pushed the cold into his skin, gently enough to prevent from giving him frostbite, but enough to make a normal human feel like they had brain freeze.

But as Cisco had said, Julian didn't seem to be as normal as they had all thought.

The cold caused his eyes to flutter, then flicker slowly open. Caitlin gave him a gentle smile, willing herself to fight the tears burning at the sight of his beautiful blue eyes, the same eyes that had brought her back from the brink of despair and becoming Killer Frost time and time again.

"Hello, you." Caitlin said softly, moving her hand from his forehead to rest on his cheek.

Julian's lips parted like he was trying to speak, but Caitlin laid an icy finger to his lips. "Shh... Just rest, ok? We're going to figure out all of this."

"'R' you real?" Julian rasped, ignoring her request for silence. "'Cause if your not... this's a nice dream."

Caitlin bit her lip, eyes welling, but she gave him a watery smile. "Of course I'm real, you idiot. Your imagination's not this good."

Julian let out a croak that was probably supposed to be a laugh. Caitlin brushed hair away from his face. "You stay here, ok? I'm going to get you some water." Slowly, she removed her hand from his forehead, trying to make the cold last as long as possible.

Julian chased the cold, weakly lifting his head up. "Don't leave." He breathed, eyes slipping shut once again. "Don't leave again."

Heart breaking more then a little, Caitlin sat back down with a cup of water. "I'm never leaving." She whispered. "Not again. I promise."

Over the next couple of days, Julian's condition became only a little bit better. His fever lessened a bit, sending him out of the brink of death and towards a much more uncomfortable state, one filled with restless dreams and almost-constant hallucinations.

Caitlin wasn't known to sleep for more then an hour at a time during the days the followed. When she wasn't a Julian's bedside, reducing his fever with carefully controlled bursts of cold, she was working with Cisco to concoct something to get Julian's powers under control.

It was slow going. They didn't know much about Julian powers, and there was only so much testing they could do with him in his current state. They were worried that, if they created something, and it didn't work, it could end up doing more harm then good.

One evening, Caitlin forced herself onto watch duty once again. She took her seat beside Julian, hand on his hairline to try and erase the lines creasing his face. He breathed out a sigh and pushed towards her hand. Caitlin smiled.

That night, the nightmare was worse. Julian wouldn't wake up, no matter what Caitlin tried. He turned from side to side, tangling himself in his sheets, and bolted up with a one word scream that broke Caitlin's heart into millions of tiny pieces.

"CAITLIN!"

With that, Julian was jolted out of the dream. He hunched over, delirious. Caitlin grabbed his shaking shoulders, brushing her hands around his cheeks and hair. Even as she began to murmur comfort into his ear, his eyes were slipping shut and he was falling back to the mattress, once again asleep.

Caitlin's shoulders slumped and she broke into sobs.

A hand, almost unbearably warm, pressed to her face. Caitlin looked up through watering eyes to find Julian awake, watching her with a glazed expression on his face.

Caitlin gave him a watery attempt at a smile. "How are you feeling?"

He didn't seem to hear her question, or maybe he just couldn't register it in his muddled, fevered brain. His thumb trembled on her cheekbone, arm weakening and falling back to his side. Caitlin caught it and pressed her lips to his palm, and Julian smiled, just a little.

"I love you." He breathed, his voice hoarse and raspy from disuse.

"I know." Caitlin whispered, lowering his hand to her lap so she could hold it with both of her own. "I know."

 **Author's Note: And Chapter 2 is a wrap! Don't worry- there is more to come :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: To: ihateeverybodyandthing:**

 **I think that I started shipping Snowbert probably around the same time as you. See, I was still** ** _really_** **caught up with Snowbarry, even in season 3, especially after episode 7, and TBH, I didn't particularly like Julian :P But it was around that time or the next episode, when Julian presented her with her power dampening necklace. I was definitely rooting for them by then :)**

Two days later, Julian woke up a little more lucid. Caitlin was at his side, as usual, her head resting on the mattress. Her eyes were shut, breathing deep, but as soon as Julian moved she was sitting up.

"Did I wake you?" Julian whispered, eyes bloodshot and face beaded with sweat.

"Don't worry about it." Caitlin told him gently. "Here- have something to drink."

She reached over to the bedside table where the cup of water still rested. With one hand, she chilled the water down to be nice and cold, and used the other to prop up Julian's pillows. He struggled to sit, arms weak and useless.

"You: Just relax." Caitlin commanded, helping his sit up. She brought the water to his mouth and tilted it back for him to sip.

"I feel so useless." Julian muttered, face flushing redder then it already was.

Caitlin shook her head, placing the now-empty cup back on the table. "You're sick, Julian. Everyone feels useless when they're sick."

Julian's eyes dropped. "I'm dying, aren't I?"

Caitlin's hands stilled in her lap, a shudder forcing itself out of her as her mind jumped to Julian. _Dead_.

"Of course not." She busied herself adjusting his pillows and blanket, then stood up to go to the fridge to get him something to eat. "Cisco and I are working as hard as we can to figure out something that can moderate your powers enough to level out your fever-"

Julian cut her off, pushing himself up with trembling arms. "Hold on a second. My _powers_?"

"Uh, yes." Caitlin bit down on her lip, turning her back to him to microwave his soup. "You- You're a metahuman, Julian."

She heard his breath catch and the way all movement in the room ceased. Squeezing her eyes shut for a second to steel herself, Caitlin turned around.

Julian's face was white, his blue eyes blown large and unseeing. His hands clenched at his blankets, and his entire body was still. Slowly, very slowly, Julian looked at her. "I'm a- I'm a- I'm a metahuman."

Caitlin nodded mutely, still clutching the container of soup in her hands.

Julian twisted his sheets between his hands, face regaining some of it's normal color, and then rushing back to the feverish red of before. "What can I- I mean- What are my powers?"

"We don't know yet." Caitlin hurriedly put the soup in the microwave so that she could heat it while as she took a seat beside him. "We just know that it's something with heat. Or that's what we're guessing, anyway."

"Seems like a pretty good guess." Julian joked halfheartedly. He shook his head. "Heat and cold. Seems like we balance each other out, huh?"

Caitlin titled her head to the side, giving him a gentle smile. "We always have."

Julian's condition continued to flatten out. He was awake most of the time now, bored out of his mind, fever still outrageously high for the normal human. Cisco and Caitlin developed a pill to give him a dreamless sleep, something that lulled certain brain lobes activated by the fever. It helped him considerably, but left him sticky and constantly warm and uncomfortable.

"A shower isn't going to help." Caitlin said for the millionth time, re-chilling a wet cloth with her hand before replacing it on Julian's forehead.

He sighed in relief, but it didn't last long, steam rising from his head as it met the cold. "It might not help immediately, but it would feel nice."

"Yes. Until you got out. And then the heat contrast would make you feel even worse." Caitlin moaned, sick of explaining the reason. "Look, I know that you're hot-"

"I am, am I?"

"Medically speaking, Julian." Caitlin rolled her eyes, quite fed up with him. "And I know that you're bored. But you're still _sick_. Cisco and I are working as fast as we can, ok?" She placed her hand on his cheek, flushed and dripping with sweat. "You just rest and work on getting better, alright?"

She left him with Cisco's tablet so he could catch up on his shows, and strode tiredly down the hall to Cisco's lab.

"How's it coming along?" She yawned, sinking into a chair and checking her watch. She hadn't slept in over 12 hours now.

"Well, I've figured out that if we can find something that can tell his brain that having a fever doesn't mean that he's sick, it should shut down the flow of white blood cells rushing to fight the infection that isn't there. They shouldn't reactivate, if we can get the signal right." Cisco said, blinking over his notes and frowning in concentration.

"So it's all neurological." Caitlin nodded. "We just need to figure out how to get the signal in there."

"I _might_ have an idea for that." Cisco said slowly. "I'm just not sure how he's gonna like it."

"No way."

"Julian Albert, do you want to be sick for the rest of your life?" Caitlin snapped, planting her hands on her hips. "Because, let me tell you, I will _not_ be waking up at 4:30 to keep you cool!"

Cisco squeezed his eyes shut. "Ignoring how dirty that sounded, Caitlin's right. If you want your body to stop trying to heal itself and accept your new, uh, heat, then you're going to have to let us try this."

Julian shook his head vigorously, then groaned and clutched at it. Caitlin tried to resist, squeezing her arms over his chest... but she couldn't _not_ help a patient, especially when it was Julian.

Her hand ghosted over his forehead, sending waves of cold and cutting his dizziness off. He glanced up and gave her a grateful look.

"See?" Cisco pointed, fully prepared to use his friends pain to prove his point. "Look at you. You're _pitiful_."

"Thanks, mate." Julian grumbled. "Is this- is this even _safe_?"

"Well..." Caitlin trailed off, glancing at Cisco.

He scrunched up his face. "I suppose it must be. Ray used it on Kendra when they were traveling in the Waverider, and he was _inside_ the suit when it shrunk."

"I thought nanotechnology was a myth!" Julian groaned. "And now you're saying that we're going to be using it on me."

"Ray liked to keep his invention a little quiet. You know, considering everyone thought he was dead when he finally perfected it." Cisco shrugged, glanced down at a small tube of microscopic pieces, swirling in fluid, in his hand. "Here's how it's going to work: We're going to put these in a syringe, and then Caitlin will inject them into your arm. We will be able to control their every move from the screen over here."

"What's going to happen once they're inside of me?" Julian asked nervously, eyeing the nanobots.

Caitlin took that as a sign that he was close to giving into their idea. "Well, Cisco will lead them to the nearest white blood cell. He's going to stimulate it to send a signal up to your brain. Then your brain is going to transmit that signal to the rest of the white blood cells, ending their quest for bacteria to kill."

Julian nodded, slowly. When he locked eyes with Caitlin, he no longer looked stubborn. He just looked _scared_. "Will it... will it hurt at all?"

Cisco shifted from side to side, fiddling with the vial of mini-robots and sliding glances at Caitlin. "Well... I, uh, I dunno, Julian. Maybe- maybe when it digs into the white blood cell and forces it to transmit the signal- _maybe_. But, I mean, the cell is so small..."

"If it becomes to painful, we will immediately remove the nanotechnology from your system and we can figure out another way." Caitlin assured him, resting her fingers along his arm.

"Alright." Julian nodded, taking a deep breath. "Alright, let's do it."

Caitlin gave him an encouraging smile, and Cisco a pat on the back, before Caitlin took the nanotech and slid it carefully into a syringe. She prepped Julian's arm for injection, but paused just before the needle broke through his skin. "You ready?"

Julian took a deep, shaky breath, and nodded. "Ready as I'll ever be."

Beside her, Cisco got ready to activate the cameras and controls. Caitlin pushed the needle into Julian's skin and released the nanobots.

She moved to Julian's side as Cisco peered into the blurry footage of blood cells, tissue and bones. "Alright... scanning for a white blood cell... and- we've got one, folks. Going in for the stimulation."

Julian reached for Caitlin's hand, eyes on his arm, even though he couldn't see anything.

"Alright, Julian." Cisco paused with his finger over the trigger button. "On the count of three, I'm going to stimulate the white blood cell. It should send a message to your brain, which will activate the rest of the white blood cells in your system."

"Should?" Julian asked, voice wavering just enough to show how terrified he was.

Cisco exchanged another glance with his best friend, then took a breath. "3.. 2... 1: activation is underway."

Julian jolted, a choked, pained gasp escaping his lips and he clamped down on Caitlin's hand.

"What is it?" Caitlin demanded, tearing her eyes from Cisco's controls and focusing on Julian. "What's wrong?"

"I feel rather- rather- strange-" Julian broke off, his entire body jolting again, worse this time.

Cisco glanced over, looking nervous. "I'm starting to think that maybe this was a bad idea."

Caitlin gripped Julian's shoulders and held on for dear life as he entire body spasmed. "He's going into shock- get those things out of him Cisco, _now_!"

"I'm going to deactivate the stimulant first, or he could be permanently damaged!" Cisco said, his face a sheet of drained blood and panic. "Hold him steady!"

"I'm _trying_!" Caitlin yelled, heart beat pounding in her ears and making her legs shake. "Just _do it_!"

Cisco pressed a few buttons and, all at once, tech was materializing in the air next to Julian's nose and falling. Cisco grabbed them before they could hit the ground and dumped them unceremoniously back into their container.

Julian was still shaking, his eyes shut and his heart beat ratcheted up. Then everything went dead silent. Julian, the creak of the mattress...

The heart monitor.

Cisco swore loudly and ripped two defibrillators out of a drawer. He shoved them into Caitlin's frantic hands and she set them on Julian's chest. "3, 2, 1, Clear."

Julian chest surged upward, sending the rest of his body flailing. The heart monitor didn't pick back up.

"Again!" Caitlin yelled, placing the paddles on their spots. "150 joules. 3. 2. 1- Clear!"

Cisco powered the machine once again. They froze for a long moment after that charge, waiting... waiting.

Julian jolted upright with a gasp, eyes flying open and heart beat picking up to a frantic: beep-beep-beep-beep.

"Thank _God_." Cisco breathed, running his hands over his face and sinking to a chair. "I couldn't see that. Not again."

Caitlin fell into a chair of her own, hand over her open mouth. She felt sick, and she was shaking from head to foot. She suddenly understood everything. Why Julian had taken off her necklace. Why he had chosen against her wishes. Because, in the heat of the moment, she would do the same thing. Over and over, without even hesitating.

But she _hadn't_ had to take those risks, because Julian was alive, staring at the wall with eyes blown out of proportion with panic, and he _needed her_ , so she had to pull herself together and-

"Are you ok?"

Caitlin's eyes snapped up. She nearly laughed allowed, even though there was nothing at all funny about the situation they were in. "You just- you just _died_ , and you're asking _me_ if I'm ok?!"

"Yeah... Yeah, I suppose I am." Julian breathed, holding his hands out in front of him like he couldn't believe that they were still attached. "Am- Am _I_ ok?"

"You tell me, man." Cisco shook his head, his face regaining some color even as he continued to scrub his hands agitatedly through his hair. "Can't believe I would even think to ask this but- how do you feel?"

Julian blinked a few times, flexing his fingers and rubbing his arm. "I dunno... kinda tingly." He muttered. "Like- Like everything just fell asleep and woke back up again. Pins and needles. That kinda stuff."

Caitlin frowned. "That... that must be from the defibrillators. Right?" She turned her unsure gaze toward Cisco. "It couldn't be from the nanotech." Then she frowned deeper and repeated herself from before. "Right?"

"I- I don't know." Cisco moved his hands to rub them over the back of his neck, shaking his head slowly. "I honestly don't know. It could have been the cell stimulant. It could have been the charge."

"Honestly," Caitlin bit her lip, tears bubbling up in her eyes. "The fact that you're alive right now is all that matters to me."

Julian's face softened and he opened up his arms for her to fall into. Just for a moment, she breathed him in and forgot that he was sick. She forgot that he was close to death about twice a week. She forgot that he had just died, and she forgot that now they didn't have a plan to help him.

Slowly, reluctantly, Caitlin pulled back and rubbed her fingers across Julian's cheek. His eyes were beginning to glaze over, tired and feverish and ill once again.

"Come on." Caitlin whispered, nodding at Cisco to help her as she wrapped her arms around Julian's shoulders and helped him off of the test table. "Let's get you back to bed."

What wasn't spoken was the fact that now, they needed a new plan.

 **Author's Note: Wow! Things got intense pretty fast there.**

 **I hope you are all enjoying! We have at least another chapter to go and a few more ideas to explore. Let's get to it! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Officially the longest whump story I'm ever written! I'm glad I can say that it was Snowbert themed :)**

Julian's fever spiked badly that evening.

Caitlin was sound asleep in the spare bedroom, finally giving into exhaustion after the trying day they had just had. She was asleep as soon as she shut her eyes and curled up into ball. Her dreams were haunted with electric shocks and tiny little robots attacking giant white blood cells, but she supposed it could have been worse.

She was jarred awake by Cisco's hand, shaking her shoulder back and forth. "Caitlin- Caitlin, come quick!"

She let out a groan, sore all over and still tired. "What is it, Cisco?"

"It's Julian."

That got her out of bed pretty quickly, slipping on her flats and stumbling down the corridor after Cisco.

They slid around the corner and found Julian thrashing, locked in a nightmare despite the medicine they developed. His fever was slowly nearing 110.3, and his face was back to it's flushed, sweaty sheen.

"What happened?" Caitlin asked, concerned, as she leaned over his bed. "Julian? Julian, wake up. You're just dreaming."

He didn't wake, so Caitlin grabbed his shoulders and held him, to stop him from hurting himself by spinning off the bed. Cisco stood at her shoulder, looking worried and haggard.

"Shh..." Caitlin soothed, rocking him like he was a little kid who had woken up crying. "You're ok."

She kissed the top of his head, even though he probably wasn't registering any of it, and locked eyes with Cisco. "We need to do something." She said quietly.

Cisco took a seat on the bed, hunching so he could rest his forehead on the heel of his hand. "I know." He muttered, watching Julian's back as it shuddered and slowly stilled in Caitlin's gentle grasp. "But we tried tech. What else can we do?"

Caitlin rubbed Julian's back, feeling him go limp against her shoulder, his heat seeping through both of their shirts and to her skin. She was quiet for a moment, considering Cisco's question- and the situation they were in.

"Do you remember when Barry first got his speed?" Caitlin asked, pressing her lips to Julian's forehead to check his fever level as Cisco nodded. "At first, he thought about his speed as a power, not as part of him."

"Then after he lost his speed, when we fought Blackout, he accepted his powers and ended up saving us all." Cisco finished, remembering. "His powers got stronger because they weren't just his powers; they were apart of him."

Caitlin nodded. "What if the trick isn't to fool Julian's body into accepting his powers? What if it's just for him to really, _truly_ accept them?"

She leaned back in the pillows and Julian sighed in his sleep, turning to lean into her and accommodate her new position. Cisco watched them with a small half smile on his face. "You love him, don't you?"

Caitlin froze, her eyes shooting up to meet his. "I- I-" Her body went lax, and she hugged Julian a little tighter, fighting exhausted, stressed, tears. "Yeah. I love him, Cisco. I can't- I can't lose him. Not Julian."

"We're going to figure this out, Caitlin." Cisco rested his hand on her knee and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Ok? We're going to help him."

"I know." Caitlin wiped her eyes, cradling Julian's head against her shoulder. "So, Cisco. What are we going to do?"

Once Julian's fever leveled back out, Caitlin and Cisco laid out their plan with him. He was slightly more on board with their new approach, finding it better then putting tiny robots in his body to mess with his cells.

Caitlin helped him out of bed and they walked toward the test room as Cisco set up her censors and vital regulators.

"All we need you to do is try to use your powers." Caitlin instructed, steadying Julian before leaving the room and gently closing the door. "Now, you've never done this before, so just... start slowly, ok?"

Julian nodded, straightening up and holding out his hands. He dug into the heat in his body, concentrating. He had had this fever for so long that it had almost become natural to him, easy to ignore. Now he focused on it, pulling it away from his head to his hands. He pictured a fireball, glowing and hot, and concentrated so hard his ears rang. He jabbed out his hands...

Nothing happened.

Disappointed, Julian slouched to the ground, He watched Cisco and Caitlin through the glass, slumping dejectedly. They walked through the door to join him on the floor, the three of them forming a sort of lumpy triangle.

"Maybe I don't have powers after all." Julian sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Maybe I'm just... really, _really_ , sick."

"Man, I don't think so." Cisco shook his head. "You're either a metahuman or a walking miracle, and I'm putting my money more on science and particle accelerator explosions."

Seeing that Cisco's words made Julian look even _more_ disappointed, Caitlin tried a different angle. "Maybe you're just looking at this the wrong way. When I use my powers, I don't think about it. I just... use my powers, you know? As a scientist, I don't usually say this- and I know it can be hard to hear- but using your powers isn't about thinking. It's about _reacting_."

Julian nodded slowly, stumbling to his feet. "Ok. Ok, I'll try it again."

"You've got this." Caitlin smiled, following Cisco out of the room once again and sitting down at her monitor display.

Julian shut his eyes for a moment, feeling all of the heat in his body. He raised his arm and swung it back, fingers tingling with heat and power. Then he shot both of his hands foreword.

An explosion of light and heat shot from his fingertips and left a black scorch mark on the wall. Julian's eyes shot open and he let out a whoop of excitement. Caitlin and Cisco jumped up and down outside, cheering and giving each other hugs in jubilant triumph.

Julian held out his arms to either side, watching as flame crept up from his hands to cover his arms and spurt up the top of his head. It didn't hurt, and the flame didn't even burn his clothes or hair. He was completely protected it a bubble of metahuman power, flame creating a warm, tingly sensation all over his body.

He burned bright and hotter, and outside, Caitlin stilled from her celebration, eyes on her vitals. "He's nearing 120."

"But he's fine." Cisco cried, pointing through the window. "Just look at him!"

Julian whooped again, excitement and adrenaline flooding his veins. He felt more alive then he had in weeks. He had _powers_.

 _He was a superhero_.

Slowly, the adrenaline faded, and Julian's flames began to dim. Exhaustion crept into his bones, and with one puff of black smoke, his went out like a wet candle.

Caitlin and Cisco raced into the testing room, waving smoke away from their faces and attacking Julian with hugs. All three of them were crying, so happy to have _finally_ found a way to save Julian's life. A way to fix their problem.

Julian's knees felt weak and soft, and he grasped onto Caitlin's shoulders for support as everything began to blink in and out of his view.

"You did it." Caitlin whispered, stroking his cheek with the back of her hand. "You did it."

"Of course I did." Julian grinned.

Then he passed out in her arms.

After that, everything filed back to normal. Julian began to become less and less sick, able to stand and walk on his own, and eating more then just soup and jello- something that he was _very_ happy about.

By Monday, Caitlin went home for some much needed rest. She slept for 16 hours, and probably would have _kept_ sleeping if her phone hadn't rung.

Smothering a yawn behind her hand, Caitlin picked her phone off her bedside table and answered it. "Hello?"

"Caitlin, hi." Julian's voice said in her ear.

She was immediately on edge. "Are you ok? Did something happen?"

"No- no, I'm fine. Cisco is, too." Julian said hurriedly. "I was just calling because, well, you know..." He trailed off for a moment, but when she made it obvious that she didn't actually know, he picked back up. "Before- Before I had this whole... _thing_ , you were on your quest, you know? Your whole 'finding yourself' adventure. Which- which is _fine_ , I get it, I was just wondering if- if I would be able to... to say goodbye to you. Properly. Before you leave again."

Caitlin's heart melted into a small pile of goo inside her chest. "Julian... I'm not leaving again. I know who I am, at least-" She took a breath. "I do when I'm with you, anyway."

There was a long silence, the Julian released his breath. "Good, good, that- that's good. That's really, _really,_ good." He laughed a little. "Alright, uh, thanks mate."

"Goodbye, Julian." Caitlin murmured, smiling softly. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, yeah." Julian agreed. "Bye."

Caitlin ended the call and laid back on her covers, suddenly sure that staying was exactly what she needed to do.

On Tuesday, Caitlin found herself back at STAR Labs. She found only Julian there, researching the newest meta-foe and playing with a flame of fire around his fingers. He looked up when she came in, a soft, happy expression settling over his face.

"Hi." He whispered, standing up.

"Hi." Caitlin responded, watching his face with bright brown eyes. "It's good to see you up."

"Yeah." Julian nodded, walking towards her. "I wouldn't be, if it wasn't for you."

Red skittered across Caitlin's cheeks, and she broke eye contact. "I'm your doctor. That's my job."

"Still." Julian reached up and hesitated, before gently laying his hand across her hip. He pulled her a little bit closer, fingers warm on her skin. Caitlin's eyes slipped shut for a moment. "You saved my life. I'm not taking that lightly."

Unable to take the closeness any longer, Caitlin wrapped her hands around Julian's neck and kissed him.

Julian exploded across her senses. His skin tingled, electric and buzzing underneath her fingertips. His scent washed over and made her feel lightheaded, ears flooded with blood pounding so loud it was all she could hear. His lips moved across hers in a symphony of touch and taste, tongue tangling with her own and making her melt inside. She weaved her fingers in through his hair, bunching her fingers in his shirt with the other hand. Julian griped her waist, mouth never resting.

Caitlin finally pulled away, unable to breath. She panted for a moment in his arms, face flushed and lips swollen from his. Julian pressed his forehead against her own, not wanting to waste a moment of contact.

"I love you." He whispered, breath hot on her ear.

Caitlin's breath caught. "I love you, too. And I'm not leaving, ever again."

That was all he needed to hear.

 **Author's Note: Ugh, that's all** ** _I_** **need to hear, too! C'mon, Caitlin, pull yourself together! Canonically, this time.**

 **Thank you for all your love and reviews! I couldn't have done this without you guys :) (LOL, I actually did, because I pre-wrote this XD)**


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